Why Your Biggest Goals Often Fail... and a Better Way to Change Your Life

Big Goals Don't Need Your Bigger Efforts... They Need Your Brave Heart.

Happy 2016!!! Tis the season of dreaming and goal-setting and making all things new that you didn't get around to last year, right?

I love new beginnings and I love big goals. What I don't love is burn out. And that used to be my pattern. I would start January in a frenzy of inspiration and motivation, but it wouldn't last. My big efforts never seemed big enough to reach my big goals. Resistance always got the best of me, and when it did I would lie in a heap on the floor for a few days feeling like my life was never going to actually change.

I am so grateful that is not me anymore.  

This is me now:

Clearly and confidently, I am embracing the new year as the adventure it is. Resistance will surely come for me (as it does to us all), but when it does I'll be ready, because more than any year before I know who I am and what I'm made for. 

How did I make this huge shift?

A few years ago I sought some help from people I trust about this very issue. My life wasn't working the way I wanted it to (nor was it showing signs of much spiritual fruit) and I was tired of hitting the same glass ceiling.  I couldn't identify what was really stopping me from living the life I knew God created me for, and this frustrated me. It also strained my faith in the promise for "Life to the Full." (John 10:10)

What did he mean by life to the full? What was abundance in the Kingdom of God?

I knew "the issue wasn't the issue", but what was my issue? I kept praying for freedom and to know what  true freedom really meant, but I wasn't getting any answers.

Until...I got council from my people. We gathered at my friend's house and we prayed together. My husband and I sat on the floor of their bedroom and cried and shared our story and our frustration with life. 

These were the words I remember from that night that will forever change the way I look at big goals and what it takes to really have the life that I want, a life of freedom in Christ.

"You can have freedom and life to the full. You just have to be willing to go places you haven't gone yet in order to get it."

It was my friend's husband, our pastor, who said these words to me. What he was referring to was a healing journey I needed to take in regards to the sexual abuse I had suffered in my past. 

I was so terrified.

Because I am an inspirational quote junkie, I was familiar with the adage, "Everything you want is on the other side of fear," but never did it feel so personal. 

My fear was about intimacy and sex.

I didn't understand then what those two very personal things had to do with achieving my career goals. However, through the council of my pastor and dear friend, the Spirit convinced me that if I wanted to experience the true fullness of freedom God had for me as his daughter, I couldn't ignore the healing I needed in this area of my heart any longer.

And I really did want freedom.

So I said yes. God was with me and he would lead me. My part was to pair faith with action and finally confront what was behind all my fear. 

Fast forward two years. 

It's the eve of our webinar for the R&A Sutras. Tomorrow my husband and I will be sharing what this healing journey has taught us to over 200 people.

I am sharing this with you for two reasons:

1). As you head passionately into 2016 I want you to know that your big goals don't need your big efforts as much as they need your brave heart. You can strive, and you can strive, and you can strive, to loose weight/meet the One/change your career/start a business/plan a trip to Paris/(fill in your dream here), BUT if you are harboring lies about your identity or your worth, all your best efforts will be in vein. You'll hit that same glass ceiling-- the one you hit in 2015, and 2014, and 2013- and you'll burn out.  Here's why: the goal you are fixating on may not be the thing you need most after all. The thing you need most is the same thing I needed most-- a willingness to go places with God you haven't been willing to go before. You can do this. Make the resolution to finally face your biggest fears.You'll be SO surprised what else unlocks in your life.

2). The statistics for sexual abuse are crazy high. And even if you haven't been sexually abused, I can almost guarantee you've been affected by some version of sexual misuse. We live in a pretty dark world when it comes to sex. Maybe you are in the same place I was 2 years ago. Maybe you need to know there's hope and a real way to heal. If that's you, I'm inviting you to join us tomorrow (and if you can't be there live, sign up and we'll send you the replay).

I'm convinced, all of us need some sort of healing. 

To reach our biggest goals in life we don't need motivation, nearly as much as we need courage. A healing journey may not seem like the likely path to  achieving your fitness, financial, and professional goals, but I'm telling you it's the best one.

I am living a more genuine version of Life to the Full than I ever have before. It feels whole- my soul is experiencing fruit and my life on all fronts is working better. You can have this too.

As you journey through all the ebbs and flows of what this new year will bring, please remember your biggest goals don't need your bigger efforts. They only need your brave heart.